UPDATED: Machete Cognetti’s Policies are Killing Pennsylvanians

A child being strangled at a play center. A man setting a home on fire with his elderly mother inside. Another shooting. These are just a few of the shocking headlines from Scranton recently as Paige “Machete” Cognetti’s crime wave continues to ravage the city.

Don’t worry, though: according to Cognetti, it’s not a big deal.

“Paige ‘Machete’ Cognetti’s crime wave is ripping Scranton apart, but Cognetti is too focused on her vanity Congressional run to care. Voters deserve better than Cognetti’s absenteeism.” – NRCC Spokesman Reilly Richardson