Machete Cognetti Abandons Scranton as Armed Lunatics Terrorize City

Last week, two armed maniacs were terrorizing Scranton, threatening everyone they met with a handgun and a machete. Where was Paige “Machete” Cognetti during this? In Chicago, schmoozing with liberal elites.

Cognetti has completely dropped the mask and stopped pretending to care about her city.

Are you having trouble keeping up with all of the bad news about the Cognetti crime wave? Us too. That’s why we decided to put it all in one place: machetecognetti.com.

“Scranton is descending into violent madness, and Paige ‘Machete’ Cognetti is busy schmoozing with liberal elites in faraway cities. Cognetti has completely abandoned Pennsylvanians, which is why they’ll abandon her at the ballot box this November.” – NRCC Spokesman Reilly Richardson